Timeless Spirit LogoJUST JOKIN'

A Spiritually Enlightening Online Magazine. January's Theme: "Our Relationship with Earth"
Volume 3 Issue 2 ISSN# 1708-3265

Index Meet Our Staff Free Subscription Donations Come Shopping Advertising Archived Issues


Da… Funny Pages!
with Jeannette Roth

Three Wiccan priestesses - a brunette, a redhead, and a blonde - are having lunch and chatting together one day. They're all bemoaning the state of their love lives; none of them has had a date in months, and they're each feeling a little amorous. So they decide when they go home that night, they'll use a powerful spell they all know, to attract a lover.

The next day, they meet for lunch again, ready to share their stories from the previous evening. The brunette, grinning from ear to ear, relates her experience first: "I gathered the spellcasting components together and went to my altar, just as a gentle shower was beginning to fall outside. I lit the red candle, sprinkled Damiana leaves around the flame, and chanted 'Brandgaine Brandgaine Brandgaine' (*) three times. Two minutes later, there was a knock on my door. I opened it, and saw Brad Pitt standing there with a bottle of Bordeaux in one hand. He was feeling so passionate that he immediately grabbed me and took me out onto the balcony, and Brad and I did it right there in the rain with the wine on our lips."

The redhead is smiling a glowing smile, too. After her friend finishes her story, she gushes next: "I prepared my altar, lit the red candle, sprinkled the Damiana leaves around the flame and chanted 'Brandgaine Brandgaine Brandgaine.' No sooner had I finished when there was a knock on my door. I opened it, and there stood Ricky Martin, holding one of his sexiest and most romantic CDs. I couldn't resist - I fell into his arms, and we went immediately into the living room, and Ricky and I did it by the fireplace with the romantic music playing."

After recounting their incredible evenings, the two priestesses turn to their blonde friend, who doesn't look nearly as happy and "satisfied" as her companions. Realizing it's her turn to 'fess up, the blonde begins her tale: "I went home, prepared my altar, lit the red candle, sprinkled the Damiana leaves, and chanted 'Board Game Board Game Board Game.' Then there was a knock at the door."

Before the blonde can finish her story, her friends interrupt to correct her: "You don't say 'Board Game.' You're supposed to chant the name 'Brandgaine.'"

The blonde looks back with a puzzled expression on her face. "Oh," she says, "I guess that's why Colonel Mustard and I did it in the kitchen with the lead pipe."

(*) Brandgaine is the maid that administered the love potion that bound Tristan and Isolde together forever.

Jeannette Roth has been collecting and studying tarot decks for over 20 years, and has presented lectures on topics related to tarot evolution and imagery around the midwestern U.S. for nearly 15 years. She is the co-owner of The Tarot Garden, which maintains the largest publicly-accessible database of 20th and 21st century tarot and cartomantic decks in the world.

Feel free to check out Tarot Garden's auctions on eBay!

Copyright (c) 2005 by Timeless Spirit Magazine. All articles are the copyright of the particular writers and cannot be reprinted without their expressed permission. All rights reserved. International copyright laws prohibit reproduction of or distribution of this page by any means whatsoever, electronic or otherwise, without first obtaining the written permission of the copyright holder. We retain legal counsel to protect our copyrights.

Any advice given is for informational purposes only.