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A Spiritually Enlightening Online Magazine. July's Theme: "Attitude"
Volume 7 Issue 5 ISSN# 1708-3265

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 		It's All About Perception
by Sunshine Boatright

Hi, I'm Sunshine Boatright, and I have a hard life. Not really, but that's what most people from the outside looking in tend to think when they take external stock of it. They see a homeschooling mom with three kids (one who has autism) and a husband in the military who's gone frequently. The other comment I hear quite often is "Oh, I don't know how you do it, I couldn't." Allow me to give you a bit of insight.

No, my life is not what would be considered easy by most. Which begs the question, whose life really is? No, my kids aren't in sports and going and doing all the things that the majority of society perceives as "normal". So what? I never wanted to be one of those moms whose kids' lives have so much going on that no one can get their head on straight for five minutes anyway. There are days where it's difficult and I look up to the heavens and ask God "Seriously? SERIOUSLY?" By that point, we're usually in need of a break from our daily life and each other. But these days are not the norm in our life or our household. People say they couldn't do it. Maybe they're right but perhaps they are not. I say you never really and truly know what you're capable of until you're smack dab in the middle of it. Only then do you find out whether or not you really can or cannot do something.

Oh, did I also mention I have a business? More than one if I break down what all I do individually. People seem to have the same question for me over and over again, "How do you do it all?". I answer them honestly and sincerely, but most people seem to think it's a joke, or I'm being modest. The answer is, I don't. Life is a series of give and take, and my life is no exception. There is always something being taken from in time and energy so that I can give more time and energy to something else. I have yet to really find true balance in my life. I don't really know if I'll ever have it, but I work towards it often. There's always laundry, dishes and housework that end up needing catching up on. I have yet to finish a business project in the time that I've given myself. The one area that I won't let fall by the wayside is my family. They are and will always be more important than the housework, whether I meet a self-imposed deadline, or anything else. You only get one chance when raising children, and I intend to make the most of every minute with them and refuse to have any regrets once they're grown. So, once in a while, we hire a housekeeper if I'm in a crunch. Sometimes my husband will come home and see how hard I've been working and will pick up whatever I haven't gotten done and run with it. I have amazing children who although they make the biggest messes of us all, will pitch in when they know it's needed (which is different from when it's not so needed). I work diligently each day to be the best mom, and the best person I can be. Some days, I fall short of the mark I set for myself, just like anyone else. I am human after all, not some superwoman. On those days, I remind myself that tomorrow is a new day and another chance to do better.

Some people who get to know me tend to feel sorry for me either because of my current circumstances, or things I've gone through growing up. Quite frankly, that's really annoying. I believe everything that happens to us in this life happens for a reason. Whether it's good, bad, or indifferent doesn't matter, all the things that have come before have come to prepare us for who we are to become. This can go either way, and which way it goes is entirely up to us. It's funny that I was living this in my parenting before I accepted it as a truth in the rest of my life. I grew up in an abusive home, but when I became a parent, I determined that that was definitely not the path I would be taking with my children. I was using intention before I really understood the depths of what intention could accomplish. With that intention and by putting in the hard work every day to parent more creatively, the cycle of abuse ended with me and my children. It's not easy and on the days where the kids are trying my nerves, it is even harder. I have to think harder, be more creative, and work harder than my parents did. Smacking, beating, verbal emotional and psychological attacks are much easier to do. They end the immediate problem right there. Yet the bigger problem they create is just not worth it to me and others who see things as I do. Abuse is abuse, and without knowing the true power of setting intentions, it was over. If I sit back and think about it, I am awed by how powerful it is.

The other comment I get from people often is "You're the strongest woman I know." I used to argue that with them. I'd explain that there is a definite difference between being strong and just being plain old stubborn and persistent. However, I've been taking the time to reflect lately, and I realized that by arguing that with them, I was taking away something from both them and myself. I was taking away from them the chance to learn how to be strong in the face of tough situations by downplaying my own strength. If I'm successful in convincing them I'm not as strong as they think, then I'm risking them being in a situation and not using the tools that give me my strength because I've convinced them it's anything but strength. I'm also taking away from myself by belittling all I've come through the other side of and the strength it took to get me through it. That is short changing myself, something I resolved not to do. So now I accept their words, I honour that strength, and I help when and if I can.

Speaking of strength, it is something that is definitely required both physically, mentally, and emotionally if you have a child on the autism spectrum. Because the medical profession and the educational systems are so far behind in truly understanding what is required and needed to help these beautiful children, it is up to us as the parents to arm ourselves with knowledge, information, and to know how to effectively assert our power as parents to best help our kids. Remember how I talked about our past preparing us for our future self? I was abused as a child, which gave me a heart at a very young age to want to be able to help children. I also caught the researching bug at a young age. I had more fun doing the research for the paper than writing the actual papers in school. This prepared me for all the research I would have to do on my own to help my son. Without me realizing it, my request to be like Samuel (from the bible) as a child was unfolding in the most unassuming ways. Now I quest to help other children who don't have a voice to be heard. This passion for research is what led me to naturally gluten-free foods, and that's what turned everything on a dime, not just for my health, which wasn't doing so hot, but also to help my son with autism and others like him. I found naturally gluten-free foods and started doing them for myself to alleviate obesity, chest pains, IBS, and other health issues I was having. After a few months, I turned the food towards my children to see if it would help with my son's autism, and boy howdy how it did. He is now a completely different child than he was before I changed his diet. And our family life is different now because of it as well. One of my mantras is to "Live Life to the Fullest", and that is what we do now. Instead of living in the shadow of autism and trying to combat its effects on the family, we now live each day to the fullest. Some days are still hard days, the autism doesn't just totally go away because you're eating fresh food, but now we have significantly fewer rough days overall.

So what does living life to the fullest look like for a family that's eating this way and has autism? We unschool our kids, which means they learn the things that they want to and are ready to learn. It's funny, because they do more "school-like" work now than they did when I was trying to make them learn it my way. There are a lot of jokes, many pranks, much learning, and more love than one heart can contain. We can now take our child with autism to activities like skating and bowling which previously used to give him sensory overload within five minutes. We play together and play jokes on each other, including my son with autism (he's got an amazingly wicked-funny sense of humour). Each of the kids is involved in food prep both because they want to be, and because they have some amazingly creative food ideas that are fun to explore. All three of them are very animal oriented and each have thus far picked career paths involving animals. As their mother, I make sure they have access to both books and real life situations which help them pursue their passions. I've also started making a more concentrated effort to take care of me. This means working out and making the sacrifice of time and money to make sure I go and do what I know I need to do to take care of my body. It's the only one I've got, and it's been very forgiving for the lack of attention it's gotten over the years. I've also gotten better about not stressing over every little thing. I ask myself each time I start to feel stress over something whether it's something I can control or fix, or if it's something that's out of my hands. If it's out of my hands, then the only thing I can control is my reaction to it. Stress and worry won't fix it, so why bother with two wasted emotions? I've also gotten better (and working out has really helped with this) about making sure to get enough rest. Naturally gluten-free foods are great, but if you continue to stress and not get enough sleep and move your body, you are still leaving yourself open to illness. My thing has always been that I don't have time to be sick, so I'm making sure to do the things I know need to be done to be healthy, since health and happiness are my focus.

I used to think I had a hard life. I've survived abuse, came through the wrong-end of an affair, made it through several miscarriages, and have a child with autism. However, I have a blessed, blissful and easy life. Why? Because that's how I believe my life to be, that's how I perceive it. Change your perception, right here, right now. It could very well change your life into your wildest dreams faster than you can dream it!


Sunshine Boatright is a holistic consultant and revolutionary advocate for families affected by autism.Ê Her talents include taking families through the post-diagnosis and IEP processes while alleviating the overwhelm, breaking down the dietary issues that surround autism in a way that's easy to understand, and helping families implement not just dietary, but other holistic changes which benefit children with autism as well.Ê These changes benefit not just the child, but by extension, the rest of the family.ÊYou can find out more about her at sunshineboatright.com

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