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A Spiritually Enlightening Online Magazine. May's Theme: "Humour"
Volume 3 Issue 4 ISSN# 1708-3265

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Da… Funny Pages!
Haunted Cheese Grater

with Dan Pelletier

Okay so my friends laughed at me; but when I read the header on eBay, I knew I had to have them. 'Haunted Witch Estate Sale' it said. Then it said, "Own some of the rare few last belongings of this notorious dark witch."

I was enticed. This Special Lot Includes:

  • 2-Vintage Clothing Items***
    ***Worn by Asetdora (the witch).
  • 1 Ancient Tome on Tiromancy.
  • 1 Haunted Tarot deck used by Asetdora, High Priestess of Dark Voodoo Arts
  • 1 Cheese Grater

The further description mandated my purchase.

"Asetdora, High Priestess of the Black Arts. We have a rare collection of some of her personal ritual items; most for her ritualistic practices and dark magical coven - but some for her personal home use.

"Magician and High Priestess of the Dark Twelveth Coven, a highly secretive group, we can only speculate existed and probably had one or more very wealthy, notable members. They told none of their magickal arts and no one really knows for sure what kinds of magick they practiced - so use your imagination… Asetdora was the High Priestess, being the most magickal person in the group and my friend told me she could bend people to her will, materialize and communicate with spirits and demons, was a Medium, Master of High Dark Magick and so much more than we will never know about." I'm sure I dated her!

I bought the lot. My friends were skeptical. I read them further bits of information included on the eBay notice, "New Orleans Voodoo Dark Arts and Highly Magikal Asetdora blah blah blah…" They'd heard enough.

The disappointing package arrived. The deck was a worn Hoi Polloi. The book was some old sixteenth century thing in Latin or some other dead language. The cheese grater went into my kitchen drawer. My friends were correct; I'd been suckered on eBay.

Then one day, I didn't even feel it, I sliced my thumb on the cheese grater - two long vertical lacerations - I wasn't even using it at the time… 10 minutes later, my best friend Cookie drove up to visit. Coincidence?

On another day, I was grating Mozzarella, and I barked my thumb against it. As I recoiled in horror, the grater, on its own volition, jumped from my hand, turned in the air, spun once - twice and bounced off the kitchen floor. Cheese popped out of the holes and settled on the floor. The pizza came out of the oven 10 minutes later and was perfect. Coincidence?

Come to think of it - all the way through those 'Holy Blood Holy Grail', and Da Vinci Code books… not one mention of cheese. Isn't such an omission just a little curious?

And the hidden symbolism of the pointing finger? Well how do you beckon the waiter for more cheese? Coincidence?

Napoleon… what's he hiding under his coat? Barked knuckles. Coincidence?

Nostradamus, Joan of Arc, Elvis what did they have in common?


So I bought it on eBay, the seller had no idea what they had. And now, I know I have the Holy Cheese Grater.

I may create the Church of the Holy Cheeses, for not all are worthy of Edam, many have not the Havarti to pass Muenster.

I may spread the word that two thousand years ago when Cheeses walked amongst us, he pointed at those who spread hatred and said, "Romano, though one day I shall leave this fair Brick, and pass upon Gorgonzola - it is Feta'd… So be not Morbier - Livarot!"

I got my eye on this toaster, auction ends soon… I think it's Satan's Toaster.

Dan Pelletier lives 13 miles north of Seattle Washington with his lifemate of 19 years, Jan Welsh, his two cats, Spook and Pookha, and 31 rosebushes.

He has been reading Tarot for himself and others for over thirty years. Dan is also co-owner of The Tarot Garden, a highly respected resource for tarot decks and related information on the Internet.

He has written articles appearing on the Tarot for Life website newsletter, "Seeker's Journey," and Tarot Passages; and has published interviews with deck creators on the tarotgarden.com website library.

Feel free to check out Tarot Garden's auctions on eBay!

If you've written an original "spiritual" joke and you'd like to share it with our readers… please feel free to submit it to Aleesha.

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