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A Spiritually Enlightening Online Magazine. Sept. Theme: "Sexuality" Volume 1 Issue 6 ISSN# 1708-3265

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The Ritual of Sexuality
by David Reber

Imagine me in a red satin smoking jacket with the sash tied loosely at the waist. Of course my white silk ascot is accenting the silver streaks in the overly abundant wavy hair on my head (and the chest hair is there as well). Wait… I think I want a bushy handle-bar moustache too!

I think I'll be sitting in a high backed chair, upholstered in a deep forest green, contrasting beautifully with the red satin of my jacket, (again bringing the attention back to me).

So there I am, sitting beside a fire, in my chair… a pipe would be swell too; a long, plunging stemmed affair with a lid, occasionally releasing a white puff of smoke for accent.

Now imagine me affecting a deep rolling voice and a syrupy southern drawl when I say, "Right then… Sexuality…" a puff from the pipe, and me staring off camera in a guise of deep consideration.

A great English hound can enter stage left and settle itself beside my chair at the fire if it helps the whole image for you.

I am sorry for the whole production of the last paragraph, but I admit I am a bit baffled on this particular subject. In fact being a man writing about sexuality is a lot like a Presbyterian giving advice in hell. I feel a little out of place to say the least. But none-the-less I wanted to write something worthy of the entire audience, something where I don't get it wrong (as men tend to do). So I talked to people, several in fact. I talked to so many people and tried so hard to define that one word.

I was given a gentle reminder from the esteemed editor that I have an article due soon. So, with the deadline suddenly due it speeds me even faster along the path. It is time to look up from my "gathering the facts," and actually sum up.

In short, it is time for some conclusions. It is time to sum up everything I heard from everyone over the last two months.

Now back to the opening paragraph, the "production". Sexuality is different for everyone I know, but at every level it is a production.

I asked one woman, a very good friend of mine, what she considers her sexuality. She answered me quite easily and pertly as she stubbed out her cigarette; "My body!"

I snicker at this, especially since a common joke between us is how "uninhibited" she is. In fact, that is the prime reason I asked her first. I also snicker because she is a professional dancer, and her figure directly reflects the physical rigor of her day-to-day life. While back-handing me on the shoulder she explains exactly what she means.

"You have to understand we are all basically animals," she tells me, "And all animals will play to their strengths to attract a mate."

We'd had a few drinks and of course I snickered again. "And how do you attract a 'mate'?"

Even though the very nature of our relationship is a constant dig at each other, she is not deterred here. "Oh man, it starts at the beginning… when I first decide I am going out."


"Of course!" she tells me. "The whole process is very much a ritual, in fact, your Wiccan friends would call it 'gathering energy'."

Really; I am a smooth individual with a gift for intelligent conversation - so I say again, "Oh?"

"Truly!" she nods, actual excitement starting to show for the first time in her eyes. "The deciding to go out starts it all off.

"I pour a cocktail, draw a bath, pick the right music to get my hips moving, and then I select a couple of outfits to lay across the bed. The bath and drink, help me pick what best shows off my legs and chest while not giving too much away. My mood is a factor too…

"What I wear, how I pick it out, where we go, and ultimately what songs get me out on the dance floor to announce I am there all are part of the ritual."

Here I admit I am finally seeing the light. Everything I know about personal ritual, gathering energies and then finally directing those energies toward a specific goal is coming to light.

"By the time I get out on the dance floor everything I've done for several hours all goes into making men look my way."

A sharp sarcastic comment aimed at her morals comes to mind readily. Remember, I said this is the nature of our relationship. But now, looking back, I cannot deny her process because everyone I talked to had an intricate, equally valid, ritual.

Case in point… me. I think of myself as a smart man with a rapier wit, and just knowledgeable enough on current events (as well as life in general) to speak intelligently; so of course these are the strengths I play to.

Thoughts of how I select my own wardrobe to be neutral enough to at least gain the opening words of a conversation come readily to mind. To tell the truth, I went over my own ritual of how I dress and act to get the first words of a conversation, to open a discourse, to get them talking to me - in short, to swing things toward my strengths.

But this is not the only conversation I had like this. I cannot help the fact that everyone had a similar ritual, a similar way of gathering and directing energy toward a specific goal… even a specific goal like attracting the opposite sex. Everyone I know has a way of not only playing to his or her strengths, but in a very ritualistic way, sending energies toward those personal strengths.

So in a very real, very tangible way, I can only sum up that the production of sexuality may be different and as extremely varied as there are people that exist - but still there are similarities. I hope you will all take the time to explore your own ritual!

Hello, my name is David Reber and I currently reside in Northern Indiana. Aside from my day job of working with children, I enjoy the seclusion of my little white home in the woods. There I am afforded the quiet comfort to pursue a bit of archery and fishing along with the occasional hack attempt at writing.

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